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[24 Mar 2008|09:46pm] |
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it's been much too long since i've updated lj with my life.
things have been good, atleast better than being grounded for months and not talking to joe. he's my sense of reality, he reminds me to just stop and breath instead of constantly worrying about everythingggg. it's nice. and i adore him for that.
we have that kinda cliche 'completing eachother' thing. another plus.
hopefully what goes up, doesnt come immediately back down.
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[14 Nov 2007|09:15pm] |
well well well, guess i couldn't get away from lj that easy.
new outlook on life: even if everyone fucks you over, you have yourself.
so why have everyone else if in the end, it comes down to just you.
i'm not selfish nor am i greedy but i think doing more for other people and getting jack shit from them has altered my perceptions of 'treating others how i want to be treated' and all that jazz. so here i am, on my own two feet and looking for happiness to come my way.
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[29 Oct 2006|10:55pm] |
Shiiiit, things are so weird. I don't understand why everything can't just work out.
There is always a problem with something, no matter how good something else is.
Me+le boyfriend are quite amazing :) but, me+les friends aren't so amazing.
It feels like our entire group is breaking apart over dumb fights+boys.
I miss the endless nights of laughing over the kinda jokes only we
could laugh at+love it. All of us together, not just three of
us talking about how much we 'hate' the other girls.
I hate it cause I feel like i'm the only one who feels this way,
So I should ignore it but I can't. I miss the old times.
Nights like these make me think too much, and then I get
depressed or just caught up in thought about thingsthat don't matter, anymore..
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[30 Sep 2006|07:34pm] |
life's been goooooood. i really need my hair cut though, and dyed.
but other than that, things are looking up. mmmmmmmhm :)
this rain is pissing me off. if i wanted my hair to look
like shit i wouldn't even bother doing it.
my bff <3
-most likely means more to me than you do.
-will make me laugh at nothing, even when i wanna slit it.
-is loud 90% percent of the time, but i've seen her quiet down.
-is a freak but i can't complain cause i love it.
-lives right next door to me.
but i'm not allowed to hangout/talk to her.
i'm thinking drowning myself sounds good.. yeah, drowning.
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[15 Sep 2006|12:54am] |
my grama+me were talking, she made a good point.
it's not that i fall in love easily, i'm just in love with love.
idk, i hope this isn't a mistake though.
i'm trying the hardest i can to take things slow.
october fourteenth - homecoming.
;) you know that's gonna be a h00t, d00d.
haha, done. loveyou kbye.
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[19 Jun 2006|08:19pm] |
i realized that i really hate being in a grey area, so to speak.
i like extremes. i'd rather be completely miserable or tremendously happy
instead of just being okay, just being content. it's.. weird.
just pick a side. sometimes you can't, but i'd like it that way.
idk, some days just being there is nice, but not with my curret situation.
hopefully i'm wrong+it'll just blow over, but you never do know until it actually happens.
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[21 Apr 2006|12:04am] |
there's alotta things i say i wanna do, but i don't. maybe it's from pure laziness, or maybe i never really wanted to do that thing to begin with. i just thought the idea sounded nice.
just to put this out there, i think it'd be 'healthy' for me to write in here because i have too much on my mind at one time. basically, i turn to this when i have a revalation, or when i'm depressed, or when i just need to get some things off my chest. i don't wanna hear 'cheer up' or 'omggomgogmo. what's wrong?'. not that i care who reads this, but i'm glad no one really uses lj anymore. atleast none of my personal friends. sometimes i just like to keep things to myself. as much as i tell my friends and spend time with them, everyone needs their specific things/time alone.
i want to stop being so picky+selfish.
i mean, i think i do a lot for other people. i usually put everyone before myself, just because that's how i am. but i've gotten so lazy that i'd rather do something simple that pleases me other than work harder and make other people smile. sometimes i just don't care. which is normal, but idk. that's not me.
actually, add less lazy+nicer.
lazy, i don't think i need to explain. nicerrrrr, to pretty much everyone. specially my boy, but it wouldn't hurt. idkidkidk.
i brought up the love subject, oh boy. can i even call it love? who knows.
all i know is that my boy is mineeeeee. we've been through a lot, even recently it got tough. and i've been pretty stupid. i mean, i had good intentions but they were for myself. we hadn't talked in so long. then we did and even though i could tell he made some changes, i didn't want to believe them. we keep coming back to eachother and it makes me wonder.. do we really have that 'special' connection or are we just too scared to go out and find something new? it's like riding a bike. if you have a bike and you keep it for years, even though you don't use it all the time. you know you'll enjoy riding it. but if you go out looking for a new bike, the questions pop up about if you'll like it, is it right for you, and will it bitch at you around 2 AM when you forget to call? maybe that's not about the bike anymore, but the point is. what makes us.. us?
i'm not sure i even want to find out. i like us, most of the time. and we seem to like eachother. so what's the big deal? no idea. i blame myself for being an idiot. just thinking about him makes me smile.
here's where the selfishness comes in. [[wow, i didn't realize i'd have this much to say. i guess this is what i get for not writing so often.]] i enjoy my boy's company, i really do. even though we argue, we find our way back to that comfortable spot without going through a whole mess of drama. my problem is we don't seem to have enough time for eachother. he's busy with baseball+work, then when he's not busy, he doesn't always get the car. and i spontaneously go out just for the hell of it. but i hate letting him down when we both know we wanna be together, even just for alittle bit. but i don't like just sitting around during those spontaneous times. i'm not saying i need to fuck everything in site, but i get that urge to just cuddle and being around boys a lot of the time doesn't help. cute boys that make me laugh and have a good time.
i need to think of him before myself though. make sacrafices. i can't have everything i want all the time so i'll need to be able to hold myself back from that urge.
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[17 Mar 2006|12:39am] |
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faithe hill - breathe. |
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basicallllllly, i don't wanna admit it. and have been holding it for awhile now. but i missed you, so much. and sometimes i would just sit there and think about you or us for hours. then you ask me if i ever think about you? of course i tell you no. and you ask if i ever missed you, even just alittle. and i said no. when really, i'm so glad you came back. and that you've finally grown up.
but what if our time already passed? i mean, maybe the problem is me asking too many questions but i'm so curious. i actually wanna do this right, this time.
it's been way to long. daily entires are coming back. hecks yes.
haha, goddamn. i have issssssues. but i avoid them. as much as possible.
score for me. and my depressing love songs<3.
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[11 Jan 2006|01:20am] |
so i just woke-up, it's 1:20 in the morning.
i'm wide awake. about to get a shower and watch a movie.
then eventually get ready for school+study for midterms, like wowow.
this is such an odd pattern. it is just weird, idk.
but it works perfectly for me. because i don't care so much
to talk to people on here. so i sleep when yer all awake+such. so,
then i wake up rull early. get completely clean. be lazy.
eat breakfast. then finally put some clothes+make-up
on and boom, i'm out the door. and on time.
so i have time to think about all my school shit, and actually do what
i forgot about. not like i forget anything, ever. [[hah, i wish.]]
and idk, end up in a loverly mood for school, where i hate to be.
it's quite wonderful for me, but everything has a downside.
like i sleep when i wanna go out or do something. and i miss desperate
housewives on sundays now cause i'm sleeping :/ but ohwells.
hahah. this is completely.. unecessary. like who cares
about my sleeping pattern. idk, time for a shower though.
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[06 Jan 2006|12:59am] |
i used to be really positive, now i'm quite synical. about everything.
i used to be a lot of things that i am not anymore though.
i've been standing here, trying so hard, pushing all of the bad away, shielding others from what will hurt them. but in the end, am i really helping anyone or anything? because all i get is just more things thrown at me to deal with. instead of a prize, or a nice gesture, or even just happiness.
i don't know if i can do this any longer. i mean, obviously i'm going to have to.
but i don't want to. i'm sick of it, sick of so much right now.
wsw3bfjehjkxa
just don't bother with me.
i'm bad news.
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[02 Jan 2006|02:46am] |
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tegan and sara. |
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welllllllllllll,
it's 2006 now. and i've read a lot of other people's
perspectives on how 2006 is going to turn out.
and idk. pretty much, i hope it's going to be better than 2005.
keyword: hope.
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[03 Dec 2005|12:18am] |
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days away - mirrors |
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i wanted to start using a journal again. i still have an xanga but people still actually check that, more than needed. so i'm gonna use this one. i like writing stuff that not everyone sees. i'm not sure why. but i like it.
wow. reading the old entries in this, almost scares me. things are extremely different now. for the better, i suppose.
school's been good. i really could careless about majority of the kids in that place. my grades aren't as well as they could be. but i keep falling into that don'tgiveashit phase. whatever.
i was recently grounded for like two weeks or something. which wouldn't have bothered me so much if the timing wasn't so bad. i was just in a relationship with what i thought was an amazing boy. but ex-girlfriend's find their way(s) to fuck things up. i just realized though, maybe the reason it upsets me is because i keep thinking 'what if..' blah. anyways, sitting at home without a computer or phone or anything with only the image of my arms wrapped around him on my mind was not so pleasant.
i bottle things up. a lot. and that only hurts me more than the shit i keep inside.
my ipod seriously helps me out. i'm so greatful someone invented portable music. like, music isn't my 'life' but i really couldn't go on without it. as in any form of it not being there at all.
so, you're probably thinking ashley'spretty depressed right now. huh? actually, i'm not. i was but i got over that. i'm in such a bipolar mood tonight. i'll be cracking up laughing, then bam. i get quiet and i just want to stfu and lay around for hours.
but now, all of the sudden, i'm happy :] so ohwell.
um. i know the things says i'm listening to days away. and i was.
but now i'm listening to cursive and i realized how much i like them.
so life's been decent. i'm gonna put some pictures up soon. even if no one's going see them, i'll still put them up. things have changed. fershureeeee. but change is not always good.
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[19 Aug 2005|09:05pm] |
so. my name's ashley and i think i suck. big time. school's coming up. which means summer is ending. which i really dislike. not only for the fact that i now have to start going to bed and waking up at a decent time. but now i can't just do what i want. when i want.
it's actually alittle selfish, not wanting to go to school because i'm not so good at getting up early even when i do have a good night's sleep. but i can't help it. this is why i think i suck.
but i really don't care. i have to go back no matter what. so why bitch+complain about it? because i can.
i got a new phone. t-mobile fools.
unlimited texts+a camera.
i'm more than pleased (:
and i've done quite a bit of shopping.
not only for school. but because i haven't in awhile.
so things have been on their ups and down.
but they're been decent, all in all.
i really do like lj more than xanga.
but no one wants to use lj anymore.
so i'm stuck using both and having
no motivation for this one.
boo. ohwell.
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[03 Aug 2005|11:03pm] |
okay. so things aren't the best right now.
my tonsils are out. my friends=murder. but i'm okay.
um. someone hug me. before i go mad.
and end up stabbing myself in the face. x's 57850098+2.
k. thnxbyeloves.
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[30 Jun 2005|11:43am] |
i am so content with my life.
it feels so incredibly good
to not worry about anything.
and be happy. majority of the time.
on top of all that.
you can't believe how good it feels
to be so bright+cheerful whenever i'm
usually on the pessimistic side of things.
♥
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[22 Jun 2005|11:33am] |
my friends are such faggots.
they're all xanga-obsessed lames.
that think lj is dumb.
well i think they're the dumb ones here.
out of the blue, i think i've got a "catch 22" situation on my hands.
but i don't neccessarily think it's a bad thing. ponder it, i will.
/edit
everything seems to be falling apart around me.
but everything with me is just peachy keen.
it looks like a sign that i don't want to believe is true.
me+my lovero will make it through, i hope.
i'm glad i choose to stay not-so-serious with this from the beginning.
we completely understand eachother and i couldn't be happier.
sikeeeee.
i'm not barbie.
things aren't perfect.
but i am happy. and that's all that matters to me.
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[19 Jun 2005|10:45pm] |
new user image.
i must say i am pleased with it.
summer been good.
so has life.
that's the end. kbye.
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[28 May 2005|03:43pm] |
old pictures. since i always forgot about my livejournal.
enjoyyyyyyyyyy.
( 1234567890 )
more to come soon.
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[20 May 2005|09:00pm] |
sharing secrets is nice.
but i'd rather have someone
to eventually share my life with.
♥
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[25 Apr 2005|05:42pm] |
wow. i just realized how lazy i really am.
look how simple this layout is. x[
everything's been yanno, good as gravy.
nothing too special, but nothing to complain about either.
umm, yeah. just check the xanga like i said before.
i'll eventually get back into really updating.
but.. not yet. brr, freezing much. hahah ew.
umklaterfools.
♥
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